Something had to be wrong with this offer but all I could thinkabout was getting my hair permed, having my ears pierced,letting my fingernails grow, living at the beach. "I aminterested," was all I could say."Good news," he said. "Here is what I want you to do. Dollyourself up. If you need new clothes, a trip to the beautyparlor or whatever it takes, do it and meet me at the ShamrockStake House on Saturday night. If you look as good as I thinkyou will, the job is yours." I'll be there. What time? How will you know me?" Wear a red rose in your hair. Be in the bar area at 7:30 sharp.See you Saturday night `Pamela'". Before I could answer, he hung up. I sat for a long time justlooking at the phone. Could this actually be for real? Could Itake such a drastic step in my life. It sounded like a chance ofa lifetime... Something I had only dreamed about, but such afrightening venture. There had to be something Mark was nottelling me. The information he had given me was so vague. Whywould he. I often wonder why I seconded to this mob from Canada. I guess because in Canada we don’t get to kill anybody but here we do. But, it’s not really that. A body is a body. You lose your anger when you see them all still. There’s a ratchet thing in our brains that counts. We have this idea that if you kill enough of them there will be no more to hurt you—but there always are . . . and we know that. We have to play these head games to keep from screaming. We are neurotic . . . perhaps sometimes a little psychotic. Aid to the civil power—that’s what we’re doing. All we want to do is get drunk, get laid, sleep for eons. Sleep is the elusive angel of our lusts. We never get enough sleep. We never have enough men. Everyone laughs at us – the IRA, the RUC, the protestants, the Catholics. We never do anything right. We are too little too late. And now Riley is dying – this big 40-year-old man gutshot and I’m just a kid. It could have been me but it’s not and I don’t want to be gutshot.
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